Growing up it was just me my mother and my brother no male figure inside of my immediate house hold.  I didn’t know what it felt like to be loved by a man. I never had the luxury of being able to call my daddy my best friend and my first love. Yes, don’t get me wrong most of my family members uncles and aunts had loving relationships marriages ect. So I knew that it existed.  My mother tried her best to love me the way that she knew how. I truly believe her hustle to make sure that we had a roof over our head and food on the table consumed her more than us being taught about love. The question is “Can one really be taught how to love?.”  Or “Is learning how to love a learned behavior?.”

Well, for me it was a learned behavior. I didn’t know what the dating scene was like because I didn’t date. I didn’t know what long-term relationships were because I never had any. All I knew was if a boy said he liked me and I was his girlfriend than that what it was.  Boy did I have a lot of learning, hurt, heartbreak, and growing up to do. Allot of me not knowing or willing to learn about love was because I really couldn’t love someone else if I didn’t love myself.  So there you have it.

One day it hit me, Ristan do you love yourself?, Ristan are you happy with yourself?, Ristan can you unselfishly give yourself to someone?, Ristan are you ready to submit yourself?, Ristan are you selfless?, Ristan what do you have to offer someone?.  Those used to be difficult questions for me to answer.  I made up in my mind that until I was able to fully answer all of the above questions I was not ready for love. So I began working on myself preparing myself for years it was difficult and lonely.  Once I was able to answer all of the above questions I knew I was ready. Now when someone asks me any of the above questions I’m able to answer.  

My answer will always be, by no means am I perfect, but I truly believe in old school relationships built on friendship first, and would actually like to know what’s your favorite color before I ask you what type of underwear you’re wearing, or know what your favorite book is, and what are the things that captivate someone as beautiful as you, instead of asking what you favorite sexual position is. Don’t get me wrong being intimate is great, but a relationship where the conversations are mentally stimulating, and chemistry is crazy even when we have clothes on, I think is even better!.

1. FEAR OF LOVE SAYS, “I CANT BE ENOUGH”LOVE SAYS, “I ALREADY AM ENOUGH.”

Even with the most detailed and precise plan, sometimes life throws us a curveball and we are forced to make do under less than ideal circumstances.  Fear attempts to tell you this is the end, but love is confident and secure in its ability to derive fresh opportunities out of unexpected events.  Desiring something strongly enough can keep us on the path of love and success. Fear tries to stunt your growth and sell you lies, love returns to your door everyday and knocks until you open it.

2. YOU ARE MORE OFTEN MOTIVATED BY WHAT YOU CAN GAIN AND TAKE PART IN. LOVE IS A NATURAL PATHWAY TO TRAVEL TOWARDS SOMETHING YOU CAN GAIN.

If you’re excited about an opportunity ahead of you, it shows you recognize there’s something to gain from it.  Wether its a new job, a valuable business partner, a new place to call home, or a romantic relationship,  will be fully realized when you are acting through love.  Embrace the sacrifices necessary to achieve your goal, and forget that fear was ever there.

3. IF YOU TRULY LOVE SOMETHING OR SOMEONE, YOU WILL CONTINUE WORKING TOWARDS SUCCESS, ALLOWING YOUR LOVE TO MOTIVATE YOU

Despite the appearance that some people have it all together, life is not easy for anyone.  The truth is, anyone who has established long-lasting success in life had to continually fight for it until it arrived,  the exact same will be true of your story.  Nothing that last comes easily, and nothing that’s easy will last.  Allow your love for your quest to keep you fueled as you encounter hardships and rigorous trials.

Don’t be afraid to LOVE but always love yourself first. 

XOXOXO